memories memories .. so many memories

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5O4Ek-0tlQ

Well said, Bob.

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. there is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quite calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories from your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again.Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before becomes fascinating because you know you are important to this person who is special to you. You think of this person in every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you a have a true friend and possibly a soulmate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

tic toc

2011 is minutes away ..

Many people use this time of year to reflect on the past twelve months, and set goals and resolutions for the upcoming year. Whether or not those resolutions last beyond the first week or two is often an entirely different story. For me, I look back at last year and im simply overwhelmed at what has happened. 2010 havent been great to me, it broke my heart over and over, but it still gave me the strength to be able to walk through all of this and be brave to face anything. A lot of things have happened, I met new people, I lost some people, I appreciated a few people, and I'm thankful for a lot of people. I truly believe this year will be different inshallah.

2011, surprise me.

speechless ..

..... and another shock from a close one :)

YA RAB

Ya rab ya kareem la tarodana kha2ebeen.. eshfee omme wa 3afeha ya ra7eeem

F.A.V.O.U.R.I.T.E.S

Favourite colour: navy blue - royal blue

Favourite getaway place: The beach

Favourite perfume (guys): chanel allure sport

Favourite perfume (girls): paco rabanne blackXS

Favourite clothes brand in general: i mix clothes, no specific brand

Favourite person in the entire world: my parents

Favourite country: U.K *London*

Favourite car: BMW's and the dusty old jeeps

Favourite sport player: not a fan

Favourite spot: where? home? my room

Favourite animal: none

Favourite movie: ALOT

Favourite singer: my music taste is too varied

Favourite day in the week: monday

Favourite time of the day: early morning

Favourite holiday season: Summer

Favourite number: 3

Favourite food: SUUUUUSHIIII and italian

Favourite chocolate: Godiva

Favourite cartoon: spongyyy

Favourite superhero: Superman

I miss your smile ..

I'm usually the type of person who would stay strong and calm everyone down whenever something happens. i never really had a breakdown or an explosion as far as i can remember. although i cry at every simple thing, but when it comes to major shocks im emotionally crippled, i'm pretty good at hiding my feelings and not showing what's really inside of me.

BUT the past few months were unbearable, i just cant go through this anymore. im done hiding my feelings its just getting me furious and angry.

I've always known that i'm blessed with a wonderful family and i thank God for that. It's the type of family that is connected in every possible way, i have a brother and 8 sisters that are supportive of eachother, and my parents are my whole life and i cant imagine living without them.

in the past 20 years that i lived, our lives we're practically very routine-ish, but in a good relaxing way, my sisters visit on monday and thursday, the kids play ouside and we sit discussing everything that happend to us in the week .
summers are also great, travelling at the very first week of it and returning two days before school starts.

but this year was different, we didnt travel in the summer because of the swine-flu, and we wanted to continue working on the beach house, it wasn't that bad, can't complain. but at the beggining of ramadan my mom started getting sick, it wasn't serious at first, she just had pain in certain places that lasted for 3-5 minutes, but at the beggining of january, the pain became intorelable, she went to many hospitals but no one knew what she suffered from. so she just stayed at home. and her condition was getting worse by the minute, but we couldnt do anything.

It killed me to watch my mom having that much of pain and not being able to help! i just stood there staring at her everytime and wishing that i could stop it.
at first i just kept talking to her trying to make her laugh and forget about everything, sometimes it worked, and the feeling of actually making her smile is ..... i cant find a word to describe it so i'll just put "indescribable".

when she had her severe pain "moments" no one could have the strength to stand by her and hold her hand so she could get through it, it was too intense and hurtful for them.
but as the strong person they see me as, i'm the one who gets to hold her hand and stand by her, i just stand there like a statue, emotionless and blank.

on march 6th, three days after my birthday, i came to her bed after i got back from college , it was 11 a.m, i thought she was asleep so i kissed her forehead, as i did that she grabbed my arm to show me that shes awake (her voice was really tired from all the screaming, so she wasnt able to talk) she pointed at a paper left on her desk, so i went there and got the paper, there was a spongebob drawing on it (im in love with spongebob, cheesy huh?) and she wrote under it "kul sana wenty 6ayeba ya a7la 3'ada, mamatik" i was too emotional at that moment i just hugged her and cried my eyes out, she tried to cheer me up by joking and making fun of me lol.

so yeah basically march was the last time i actually saw her laughing, after that things got really really bad, and i just kept getting weaker and weaker, but everyone around me, friends and cousins didnt really know how bad the situation was, and how much i felt like dying, but i honestly dont blame them i wasnt showing any of it, i was pretty much normal, i laughed with them , discussed stupid subjects, and acted like i had no worries what so ever, they call me "rayga" that's how much i was suffering to hide my feelings, even the close ones didnt know how i was really feeling, whenever i talk to someone i try to escape from reality a little and just involve myself into this perfect world.

but i seriously can't take it anymore, i'm too fragile, too weak now.

Mommy, I miss your smile.